christmas cheer, (well sort of)

Ok so its December,

Are you loving it?

Are you filled with chrismas cheer?

Well i'm not. Well ok I am, sort of

I'm on a slow burn.

Its the way to go for me I think. I'm not I have to say an avid fan of it to be honest. Some of us are. And for those people I think it must be lovley.  I think that I only really have so many alloted hours per year for feeling festive. And with the run up to christmas getting earlier every year, I try not to use them all up too early and end up being sicK of hearing abut it by roughly december the 15th.

I have a few gripes with chrismas and here are a few off them. I'm gunna TRY and not moan about christmas. Just give my reasons why it dosnt come as naturally to me as it seems to everyone else. But i will also put down what i like about the festive season. 

Ok reason one; (And its a gooden) I'm not a religous person. And I think anyone who has met me would go as far to say that I am probably the LEAST religous person ever. I dont believe in god or jesus. So celebrationg his birthday seem pointless to me. However, I will say that for me its about family, friends, and well drinking.

reason 2; I do hate the commercialism of it. That people spend SO MUCH money on it. And in alot of cases people activley get themselves into debt over it. which is a shame. This year I have vowed only to buy girts for the immediate people. This year I have tried to MAKE  gifts for people where possible. I have been knitting scarfs and snoods and things for people. Which I think is nice. 

Reason 3; The run up! As in christmas run up gets longer every year. I saw a christmas tree in a window, LIT UP on the 1st of November!!!! (What the FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKK) Its a house on my road and they are the first every year. IN FACT *whispers this next sentance* they NEVER take their christmas tree down. Once new year has been they simply switch the light off and push it to the side of the room (Where they THINK no one can see it.) 2 Questions spring to mind. Question 1; Dosnt it get dusty? Do they have to DUST their christmas tree?. Question 2. Dont they get sick of the sight of it? do they take it for granted? Do they not REALLY appreciate the sight of it when its lit up? I could write a book on my opinion of this topic. (But dont worry, I WONT!)

Reason 4; Its not like the films. (And when i say films, I mean films/tv/adverts etc. For instance. This year I saw this advert. Its for TK Maxx. Have a look.



Now dosnt THAT look like a nice christmas? Ignore the stacks of pressies. Its not about the presents. They look like a really nice family, They appear to all get on and be glad to see one another. They are playing games and having fun. I watched this advert and thought "Aww i wish my christmas was like that." I come from a big family but my immediate family is Me, Mum, Dad and my sister. My sister is working until 11pm christmas day. So this, year for me, christmas will consist of me, mum, dad and my nan. (my nan is ill and lives in my parents dining room.)  Although in my familys defense we will have family scenes like those of the tk maxx advert on boxing day.

Reason 1 of why i DO sort of like christrnas. For me, my FAVE part of the festive season is Boxing Day and the day after boxing day. Traditionally boxing day is truly a good day. The post christmas parties begin. For me this usually means an afternoon session with the fabulous Wiltshire family. Who live quite close to me. They have a big family do and there's lots of fun, music,food, banter and best of all drinkees. Great fun great atmosphere great company. Then in the afternoon say bout 6pm I wave goodbye to the Wiltshires and go to the family do. Which is again local and at an aunties house. The family do is reminiscent of the previous. My sister usually brings a game. Which we're all forced to play. It can be fun. Generally its nice to have a few bevvies with the family.

Reason 2 of why i like christmas; THE FOOD. I REALLY LIKE PARTY FOOD. No one loves a buffet more than me. Any food made in small mouthful sizes am a fan off. Mini quiche, mini sausages, vou-la-vents. Particuarly Prawn vou-la-vents. I'm one of those people at parties who refuses to get a plate fill it with food and go and sit down. I'm what you call a grazer. The one who stands right near the buffet table ALL day and just eats little and often. Washing my mini foods down with usually gin and tonic.

I could actually live on buffet food. I adore it. I try to be a sensible with my food intake as possible throughout the year but, boxing day and christmas day are rare days where I allow myself to eat whatever I fancy. I mean how much damage can you do to ur waistline in 2 days?

reason 3 of why i like christmas; December 27th. My absolultey totally favourite day of christmas. Every year for I think the last 4 or 5 years on the day after boxing day me, and my great pal emily go to london. We hit the sales and spend all our christmas money. On shoes and clothes, we go for lunch, and to a gallery usually. we go to the winter wanderland in the evening and peruse the german market, eat some bratwurst. we drink coctails and walk around london being drunken spending spree happy people. Its fab. Here we are last year.

 

Twas a fabulous day.

 

Last reason why I like christmas. xmas music. i hate the shit upbeat happy xmas music tho, i prefer the slower xmas music. the oldies like bing crosby. here are some of my faves.

 

This one is Paloma Faith. Merry christmas I hate you.

 

 



 

 

last chrismas, by wham, (*sob!)

 

 

Macy Gray - Walking in a winter wanderland

 

 

 

Amy Winehouse - I saw mummy kising santa

 

 

 

bing crosby white christmas

 

 

and last but not least. my fave christmas song EVER. Keep an eye out for the innapropriate lace up trousers in front of the singing children. cant find the vid to put on this page but if you click here you will get what i'm on about.

 

 

So please mr santa man. Give generously this christmas. As I have been a very good boy. Hope you all have a good one too!.

 

Marty.

 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

stories about guys volume 1

Its nearly 4 in the morning. 

 I've just woken up. its raining really hard outside.

 I just had a weird dream.

 I wont say I had a nightmare, because my nightmares tend to involve unsettling violence and/or me dangling precariously from tall or unsteady structures.

 I don't know why but I decided to write sum stuff down. I have a feeling its all about to get terribly self indulgent. If it is am sorry. Feel free not to read my ramblings.

 If you are reading this as someone I used to date them maybe stop.

 I wanted to call this blog, "Letters to ex boyfriends." But I've never had a boyfriend. But I have had a few guys with whom I felt close enough for them to potentially be my boyfriend. But in the end I never made the grade with any of them. So if I do use the term "Boyfriend" I use it VERY loosely indeed.

 When I woke up I scrabbled around for a piece of paper and a pen that worked. Opened the curtains so I could see what I was writing and wrote 4 pages of a4 by the light of my phone. This is what I wrote. changing the guys names. lets call the first one Rob.

 

____________________________________________________________________

 I Hadn't seen you in the flesh for over a year. That last time I saw you, you were near my old place, by the bus stop.

 

 It was raining and you had nice jeans on and a hoody. You were walking what I'll presume was either you, or your boyfriends dog. A big spotty thing like a Dalmatian. you looked really cute, even at that time in the morning in the rain. You smiled at me shyly. That wonky smile I used to love so much.

 

I wanted to talk to you but it was raining pretty hard. Before that it had been about three or four years since we parted ways. and it wasn't on good terms. You did that thing you always used to do of just vanishing without apology or explanation. It was the first time I knew what a broken hurt felt like. We don't live in the same town so its extremely rare to see you out and about.

Last night I dreamt I saw you in the leisure centre. I had just finished in the gym. you were in the cafe. well actually the bar. which is odd because the leisure centre doesn't have a bar in it any more. In reality they turned it into a crèche. it looked like they had moved a bar and a few stools into the dimly lit corridor I walk through most days.

 You had what used to be my favourite jumper on. I accidentally left it in one of your shopping bags once whilst we went to the pub for a drink. I never did get it back.  

 Never did stop fancying you. or thinking about you.

 I see you sat up at the bar with a drink in your hand. Even though I'd love to say hello and sit next to you. Have a drink, catch up. My instinct tells me that things wont be different this time. That you'll never tell me any of the things I want to know.

 So I don't stop. You look up as I walk past. I meet your eye and carry on walking. As I am nearing the end of the corridor I glance back, and meet your eye again.

 I stop.

 I consider my options.

 I breathe, and think "fuck it." maybe this time is the right time. Maybe now we can finally have that chat I've been wanting to have for years.

 I turn around and walk toward you. You look up from your drink, clearly drunk. Oh shit, I think. This was a bad idea after all. You never could hold your drink. Three double vodkas and you were hammered. I wish I was that cheap a date. Think of the money I'd save.

 "Let me guess..." you slur, with that vicious drunk smile I used to know so well. " You want to have a little chat, maybe tell me I'm too drunk."

 He hasn't changed at all.

 "Maybe you want to walk me home safely? Or take me back to yours so you can fuck me?"

 (I did take him back to mine once, I had to drag him like a corpse out of the taxi he was so drunk. this was on our first date.)

 I can feel the sting of anger start inside me, its sharp like heartburn.

 "Never got the chance last time did you." he sneered.

 Hot silent tears run down my face. I shake my head without words.

 It is at this moment I suddenly remember that time you stood me up AGAIN for a date. How the barmaid looked at me with pity after three hours of putting a brave face on it and making excuses for you. How I sat in the bath and cried that night. when I knew no one was in, and I knew no one could hear me.  

 "god" he said " you're pathetic."

 I turn to walk away.

 He puts on a whiney voice pretending to be me, and as I walk away shouts "But why didn't you love me back?"

 I stop and turn to face him, wiping tears from my eyes.

 "Because you were so fucking needy". He said soberly and quietly.

 At this point I consider how different this meeting might have gone had he been in a good mood and sober. when he was sober and in good spirits he was a joy to be around.

 I turn around to leave. walking away I remember the day he told me he loved me. Outside that pub near the taxi rank in town. And I wander where all that love he had for me went? why? And why I had never been given an explanation.

 Then I woke up. feeling un settled, and cold

 

________________________________________________________________________________

 

This dream makes him sound like a mentalist. He's not. He's a pretty nice guy so i hear. The content of my dream has SO much more to do than my mind set rather than any reflection on him as a person. We dont speak anymore but i think of him fondly and am always there for him if he wants me. And I hope he knows that. At base of it he's a really good person I just wish he had let me get to know him properly.

 

 

 

 

a six pack Vs a choccy biccie

i recently read this article online. (Go read it or you wont have  clue what i'm on about.)

first of, irritatingly i agreed with the first bit, until i scrolled down and saw the pic of the guy in question. to save you titting about I have copied the pic. here he is.

Now I dont know about you. But I would KILL for a torso like that. Is it an american thing that unless u have a body like a supermodel you're considered fat?

The guy then goes on to make general points as to why gays hate their bodies.

1. Because we are surrounded by images of perfect bodies. - True dat. I agree
2. Because we compare ourselves to our partners - True dat. I agree
3. The guys in the shower pic. - Well I suspect that if you live in west hollywood and your in a gym you would see bodies like that. I very rarley see a bodies like that in the showers at the gym. But thats mainly because I live in kent and not West Hollywood.
4. Because the barmen is cute. Yes this is true. I was recently incidentally applying for a job as a barman. ( I am an EXPERIANCED  bar man. Who worked in a very busy bar for years. I ran a bar! Could have done this job hands down.) I popped my C.V in to the bar who was advertising and he said he'd look at it and get back to me. He never got back to me. Incidentally I went back to said bar, about 2 weeks later. There was this kid behind the bar (i'd guess 18 years old max.) and he looked something like this:

 

Yes he was pretty. I'll give him that. He was slimmer than me (in a sort of boring permatanned ken-doll sort of way). BUT  he was a shit barman. Hopeless. But the owner of the bar obviousy didnt want an experianced barman behind the bar, he wanted somone younger and slimmer than me. Someone who would be something "Pretty for the punters to look at." (Landlords words not mine.) 

 

So yes we live in a world where the prettier younger people do on occasion have a leg up when scaling the wall that is life.


     5. Because gay people are more successful than other people, which 
    makes them more competitive, with each other, which makes them
    more competitive about what their bodies look like

This is where the sweeping untrue generalisations begin i'm afraid. lets read that quote again shall we? quote being highlighted.

"Let’s face it, Gay people are better at life than straight people."
Really? REALLY? untrue. I'm a big exception to the rule as, I'm single broke and unemployed.

 "They eat better, wear better clothes, and go on more glamourous vacations." ok I probably do eat healthier than the average person, (dont eat butter,white bread,fast food, fizzy drinks often.)Er glamerous vacations!?!?!? My last holiday was with my parents in turkey. And I had to share a room with my sister and her boyfreind. Hardly screams glamour does it!

 "I don’t really know why, it’s just a fact of life." no its NOT!

 "But with this great privilege comes a great burden. Not only do we have to make tons of money to pay for all these stupid clothes and vacations, we also have to work out for hours on only 80 calories a day to prevent ourselves from being socially ostracized." If you went to the gym and worked out for "hours" on only 80 calories a day I am pretty ceartain you would probably die.


    6. "Because we are always running around with our shirts off." Are we? I have a PHOBIA of being topless in public. It has to be unbearably hot for me to take my t shirt or vest of on a summer day. even though I am quite slim. I have no idea why. I think it has something to do with me being embarrased about having my nipples out. I have no  idea why.

   7. Fear. Fear of being alone. i.e if I dont have a tight six pack then no one will never love me. If I thought this I would never eat anything!

this brings me onto I think my biggest point.

no I dont eat butter, no I dont eat crisps or alot of chocolate. yes I work out ususally 4 times a week. Yes I walk everywhere. Yes I have cut down dramaticlly on booze. Yes I want a nicer body. Yes I want less body fat (does anyone not?) But ultimatley. Yes I might be more attractive as a mate if I ever got my tight six pack.

But would it make me any HAPPIER? maybe? maybe not?

I'm sure a life where I never got to eat ANY chocolate or biccies as a treat wuld be very dull. I'm sure I'd be less happy. And whats worse than dating someone with a slim figure but who may not have a six pack? well I'll tell you

DATING SOMEONE WHO IS JUST PLAIN MISERABLE because they NEVER allow themselves the treats and sweet things that for me ultimatley make life worth while.

Simples.


Be interested to see comments from people who read this.

Much love.

M. X
     

Olympic Breakdown

Ok so just to clarify "Olympic Breakdown" refers to me giving my opinion on the olympics. Not i'm having a breakdown because of the olympics. But it has been like christmas hasnt it. The run up was so long and a few weekes before it all got a bit much. Where is EVERYWHERE and i felt like the advertising for it had gone into power drive. cutt to me shouting at the tv going "YES I KNOW!!!!" 


I'm not that into sport but i do like things like the ahletics. the diving the swimming etc. Dont get me wrong i like a run but on a treadmill where i can see mtv. I could never run a marathon. 30 mins running time tops! And its offical guys. This time around we are all allowed to officially fancy the great Tom Daly. Last time around it felt a bit wrong as we was not of age, but four years have passed and not its ok. So go TOM!


And the much anticipated opening ceremony began. But first came the countdown. In which there was far too much waffle. So me and aunty chris sat down with a box of wine and a bumper tub of houmous. I wish the bbc would have had some alternative voice over for the ceremony. The way grayham norton does the Eurovision. Mine and christines was hilarious. Much chuckling and mocking.


And so it began.
Danny Boyle directed and I thought he did it beautifully. none of the cliches I had on my guesslist were to be seen. apart from the Beatles and Paul McCartney. First thing we saw was the begining of thames, fast paced film follows the river into London, Easteneders the Tube, London calling, classical, lilly allen befroe the offical 60 second countdown begun.


"and did those feet........"(goospepimples already, what a genius) cut to boy singing.
cut to cricket and men with tashes.


Choirs from around the UK, oh theres Danny Boy. Bread Of Heaven.


7 minites in and he's already sewn a rich taperstry of sound and images together. Great sporting moments, galloping horses. Men in top hats. Back to jerusalam (more goosepimples)


Quotes from shakespeare to the soundtrack of Nimrod - er could this BE any more british!


The music was realy evocative and the cut to the poppys and the soldiers was very moving.

I did think the jump from Suffrogettes to the Beatles was a bit much tho. lol. Thought maybe they could have padded it out a bit with historic figures. Makes me wander how many of the referances the overseas watchers got and how much explaing their voice over teams had to do.


Intestingly no mention of how we pillaged and stole our way to forming the british empire, - GO FIGURE!


Perhaps the mst tounge in cheek was the james bond visits the queen part. I cant believe she agreed to it. I was so sure it was going to be a look alike, no kids its the actual queen. So they get into the helicopter and for a moment I actually thought she was going to ride james bond tandem into the stadium.


Wow that would have been amazing.


The copter flies over london (more goosepimples) to the tune of the damn busters.


I thought the whole thing was very well thought out. The world was watching and I thought Danny Boyle delivered beatifully. It wasnt cheesy, it wasnt overly dramatic and best of all we had no idea what to expect.


The "queen" jumping out of helicopter to james bond theme tune (goosepimples)


It was like britishism top trumps. If the queen could have pretended she didnt find the ceremony as dull as she did it would have been marvelous. She dosnt smile much does she. You think with her wealth and power she'd crack a smile once in a while.


We're brits and we do love a bit of pomp and circumstance. And thats what we got.


The chaos choir of deaf children, why in pajamas? why?
We may never know.


loved the literary referances, peter pan to the tune of the shining was it? I'm not a scary film person. oh the exorcist? was that on purpose we think?

The NHS bit came over a bit like a doctor who epoisode. Why so long on the national health service? Tenuous link which I missed I'm afraid.


Jk rowling, The Childcatcher, Wierd horses. All looked a bit suspect. voldermort? Dunno. Never ready harry potter.


But the mary poppins ladies saved the day.  (more goosepimples)


Very large baby. Nope dont get that bit. Did anyone else? if so please tell me why.

And so it begins. Is it four weeks its on for? Dunno.

Today been watching the swimming and the rowning. The athletes make me feel tired. I don my cap at them. I mean I can swim but you cant really call it swimming. Its more NOT DROWNING. I look like a tired dog swimming for the shore.

Its all about the Tom Daly really. Come on Tom.
I wish I looked that good in speedos.

One day.

I'm gunna hula hoop my way to his body.
I love making big statments like that and almost believing them.

Time will tell.

Enjoy the show kids.
M. x

ctrl alt delete.

The last few weeks have been busy. 

Lounge On The Farm festival was brilliant as always. In the countryside outside Canterbury a small bubble of amazingness is created for four days of the year. musical higlights this year were;

Jake Bugg. Particuarly this song; lightening bolt.

young Mancunian scamp who sounds a bit like bob dylan. one of those artists when his voice dosn't reflect his young face. 

The other musical revelation is Emili Sande. Who of course I had heard of. That song next to me was really good and super catchy. BUT  I had sold her quite short. I think some people you just need to see live to get the gravity of their voice. She sounds good on record but I got allot from her live show. Took me a bit bit suprise actually. I couldn't find any live footage from Lounge but here is an example from youtube.

I spent all weekend shouting "go and see King Charles! he's going to be amazing!". I love him. Even more so now i have seen him live. 

If Jesus were to live now and wear shiny troos, have dreadlocks, nice jackets and play electric guitar then King Charles would be pretty similar

My last blog consisted of a rant about Mr not quite x who shalt not be named. even though in my heart of hearts I wanted to letter bomb his house. And since then he has proved his self to be 300 times more of a douche than first anticipated. But you know what? sod him. 

I refuse to waste any more time or energy thinking about it. When I hear the lyrics from that Gotye song i'll think off him and just feel sorry for a pathetic, lying excuse of a man. here are the lyrics:

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

really quite shocked.  he's not a man. and he ceartainly has a bit of jagged flint where I thought his heart was.

I REALLY  hope he ends up sad and alone. 

when i think about him from now on i'll play out a little him getting ran over/eaten by a shark fantasy scenario in my mind. plus i'm soo much younger than him and am aiming for someone my own age. lets face it i can do better! and will.

But that was last week.

This week i have been having a life detox. 

(I hit the control alt delete in my mind)

Gym everyday. Super healthy eating. Power hula hooping, Skipping. Minimal smoking. and above all. SUNBATHING!  (practicly naked) I despise the winter soooooooooo deeply what when the sun shines I will never be caught complaining about it. Chill out strip off and catch the raaaaaaaaaaayyyyyysss.

Lay back and enjoy!

M. 

XXX

Post break up rant

This week am having a good week.

I haven't eaten a biscuit since I moved (I know!)
Am living off soup and cereal, am gyming it most days.

Having space and time do do what I want.

But I cannot shake this feeling.

A feeling of being bored of being single.


particularly as he who shall remain nameless royally hacked me off.As a few months ago he decided I was for what ever reason (he never bothered to tell me) not worth dating anymore.

To add insult to injury he did that thing that allot of men do which is NOT TELL ME.  He did whatever all major douche bags do and just stop texting.

The swine.

So not only am I left with a feeling of disappointment, am left with the bitter knowledge that apparently I don't deserve an explanation for him going off me. Is it him? Is it me?

I'll never know.

I do hate that.

I cant help thinking its history repeating itself.

So newly properly single. And living in a small town with no exciting prospects to distract me from myself.

Its all very bizarre.

I am 27. If this saga continues I may find myself being 30 and never had a proper boyfriend. Isn't that a depressing thought.

When on dates you always get to the "So why are you single?" question. My answer is always the same. I say without a smile and without a hint of irony "Because no one I have ever dated has ever like me enough to make it official." Which is the truth.

My frustration at being single is only fuelled by the world around me rapidly pairing off.
friends start saying things like "we're staying in tonight" or "me and ________ are having a romantic dinner out" or "I'm going to my boyfriends"

Or worse one person recently said to me "guess what ________ is my boyfriend now." to which i replied "BUT YOU'VE ONLY JUST MET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Its not their fault and i don't blame them in the slightest. the older i get the more i find the majority of people have to be "booked" in advance. where has the spontaneity gone?

Just last weekend i was talking with this cute guy in a bar, about art and jobs and such ( he was obviously straight) and he paused mid sentence and said "Just so you know I'm straight yea?"
we were just chatting! Apparently gay guys are not allowed to talk to straight guys with out a pre conversational "Don't worry I'm just chatting not try to get you into bed" disclaimer. My actual reply was to smile and say. "Oh believe me if i was trying to chat you up YOU WOULD KNOW" subtlety has never been one of my stron points

With all this in mind I have decided in a few rules I intend to implement should any one else ask me for a date in the future, (its a long shot I admit but am doing it anyway.)

• People of the over 40 variety need not apply, its not ageism its just that the reality is you want to stay in and watch jools Holland on a Saturday night and I want to go out with my friends and get shitfaced. and I'd rather not have a smug non hungover person to wake up to insisting that we go outside for a walk or whatever bullshit they wish to do on a Sunday.

• AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING! -  FYI  Sundays are for laying in and slobbing around in your jim jams. If am to go out on a Sunday it will be to have lunch (NOT A  ROAST) or to the cinema, and I shall rise from my bed when i am ready and not before. without sum douchbag making the bed whilst I only got out of it to have a pee!

• THE THREE DAY RULE WILL NOT WORK.  the three day rule being we go on our first date and people play this weird game of waiting three days to text so as not to look desperate. Once one has invited the other out for date 2 the invitee waits three days before replying to text so as to not look desperate. People have played this game with me and 9 times out of 10 I get bored of waiting and delete/block them. I am far to fabulous to be waiting three days.

• I believe in the old age prophecy that if you have a bone to pick then just pick it. FYI  I am not psychic.

• If we are dating I expect at least for you to be dating me only.

• no I don't want to be your bit on the side, or your dirty little secret.  I don't care that your girlfriend doesn't understand you. That's your problem not mine.

• A text message or an email is NOT,  I REPEAT NOT a valid way to break up with someone. please do the honour of telling me to my face. I'm a big boy now I'm sure I'll get over it.

In honour of the man who shall remain nameless, here is a song by Kate Nash called fittingly "Dickhead." Pretty much sums up how I feel. If ur reading this douche bag thanks a bunch. Go die you oxygen thief!

Tata for now

M.   x

hula hooping and potential hibernation

Hello hello hello my lovelies.

Well allot has been happening lately and normal service was abandoned briefly.

In short the sum came out, which meant A.) I stopped going to the gym for a good week (- unheard of!) and B.) I was distracted by a guy. Whom incidentally i met in a pub. He was visiting from London. But ended up being my sunbathing/drinking partner for a bit. Its nice to have distractions from life.

There was cider and sunbathing generally. It was fun. He's gone back to London now. Back to business as usual. What else what else?

Oh yes I am now the proud owner of a power hoop, which is apparently like the latest fitness fad.

Now usually I am RUBBISH at hula hooping, but these hoops are bigger which makes them much easier to keep up. Also they have weights on the inside of the hoop, which will I presume mean that after months to come I may have a more toned abdomen. But for the immediate future just means I look like I have been attacked by a gang of kids with broomsticks.

There's nothing like symmetrical abdominal bruising is there, very sexy.

So have been hula-ing every day. With my mp3 player on. 6 tracks hula-ing to the left 6, tracks hula-ing to the right. No one told me to do this, but I assume that for instance hula-ing to the right will work my left side?

Am unsure

So equal hula-ing it is until someone tells me otherwise.

Discuss in comments.

What else?

Oh yes have also fallen down a vortex of sound.

Paloma Faith - Fall To Grace
Scissor Sisters - Magic Hour
The Gossip - A Joyful Noise

These albums arrived and have been absorbing them into my soul. As well as some Madonna albums American life, and Robyn's body talk part one. ( I have ordered body talk part 2 and 3 but god knows where they are.

This is called "Just be" and its one of the highlights of her album, remember Adele's "Someone like you" ? Well I think this is as good, although it will be nowhere near as well known. purely because, lets face it Adele hogs all the soulfull diva limelight doesn't she. Bless her



What else has been going on?

Oh yes the grip of jubilee fever is tightening around the country and there is officially no escape from it. Am just trying to ignore the whole thing as much as humanly possible. I know I'm outnumbered on this one but am just not a supporter of the royals.

When I talk about this or am encouraged by others to "Cheer up and join in" or advised by others to "Not be a party pooper" its weird. I find it weird that people want to change my mind about the jubilee, my favourite comment was from my mother who moaned "God martin you're always so unpatriotic!"

just to check I looked up the definition of patriotic in the dictionary to check what it meant.

pa·tri·ot·ic (ptr-tk) adj. Feeling, expressing, or inspired by love for one's country. patri·oti·cal·ly adv.

(I stole this from thefreedictionary.com)

Why is it people cannot see the difference between being patriotic and being a royalist? You can be one without the other actually people.

My dad tells me that the royals do an important job, that they attract allot of tourism (20 million a year- I checked.) Yes good point dad. But in order to do that what does the queen actually do?
I'd be very interested to see what the woman REALLY  does on an average day. Does she steadfastly answer all the correspondence sent to her by well wishers? - No she does not. She has a team of people do that for her. Is she licking the envelopes of all the 100th birthday cards? - No she is not?

For those people who are reading this thinking " Well we get a four day weekend" It makes no odds to me. I'm unemployed, EVERY DAY is a bank holiday weekend! lol

My main beef with the royal family comes from the queen. Yes she brings tourism to the country, which does us a country good. But I always think there is SO MUCH MORE she could be doing.

I just don't think its just that whilst the richest land owner on the planet has her jubilee weekend, there are in the same city homeless kids on the street with no shelter or food. that families are out of jobs and struggling to feed their children.

I cant help thinking if she sold the odd Priceless paining of which she has a shed load. (I saw that tour around the royal castles documentary.) Believe me she's not going to miss them. Maybe sell the odd bit of jewellery, ( Alright not the crowns as it her thing , but some of the other bits. Not seen as often but worth a mint. I mean is it really doing any good in a draw? cant she stick it in a gallery or in the V&A where people can pay to see this stuff.

I considered going in to jubilee weekend hibernation until at least Wednesday but that's allot of effort as well. Unless I'm going to sit here for 4 days not watching tele or listening to the radio or venturing out. No thanks.

Oh and whilst am ranting on I may as well get this off my chest. Whilst trying to flick through the channels to get away from jubilee stuff I was confronted with the tennis! - Yes gang Wimbledon is upon us.

Don't even get me started - yawn! lol

Now the Olympics. THAT I'm looking forward to.

See its not all whingeing is it.

So I figure I may as well just surf the wave of jubileeness and know it'll all be over in a few days


"where's my gin and tonic? - oh there is is!"
bottoms up!

m.

x

taking the biscuit

Ok, don't look now but I think we have now had what I call two "textbook sunny" days.
This makes me happy,

Bar-b-q-ing with my sister, burning stuff in her wood burner, doing a bit of gardening with her, whilst drinking Lambrini and listening to xfm. Yea I've had worse days if I'm honest.

Pre bar-b-q-ing there was two solid hours of looking for and applying for jobs.
Which lets face it isn't as straight forward as it used to be. Remember the good old days where you just photocopied your CV and dropped one in every shop in your high street. That got me a job nine times out of ten. Oh no not these days, do that now and they wont have it. You have to do it all on line. Which is far more time consuming. You have to google who you want to work for and go to the careers bit and look for vacancies, but alas no. None in this area and so hence you fill in the thing with your email address. Only for them to spend the day emailing me lots of jobs I'd love, but jobs nowhere near me.  The swines.

After my two hour of job hunting it was gym time.

Am loving the gym at the moment. Its got to the point now where my body has got very used to its regular workouts. If i go more than say four days without one i feel my body start to yearn for exercise. It doesn't seem like such hard work, which i suppose is why you have to keep upping your exercises and changing the weights you lift.  I have been going to the gym for two solid years now. I wish now I'd taken some photographs to compare and contrast what i look like now.

Shame.

I know the diet you should be eating, (and i think 85 percent of the time I eat a pretty healthy and stringent diet. I've read allot of articles. I've seen exercise programmes. I've learnt of other people copying some parts of other peoples workout programmes.

All of this learning and adapting, this research and planning of exercises have and will continue to not change one fundamental thing in me.

Which is my FAMOUSLY SWEET TOOTH.

I love sweet things

Yogurts, Chocolate, Biscuits, Cake........

Before i started the gym i used to be one of those people who idea of a treat was walking to the shop, buying 2 packets of double chip Maryland cookies and eating them in one sitting. Dunking each one lovingly in full cream milk. (a pint of)

Not only did i used to do this on a VERY  regular basis. But i also didn't consider the amount of calories that was in one go. But most importantly. I enjoyed it enough that i in NO WAY FELT EVEN SLIGHTLY GUILTY.

Thinking about this now is bizarre.

I haven't done that for a very long time. I had a couple of biscuit binges this year, two stand out. it was more about trying to cheer myself up than greed. it didn't work. you finish off the packet and feel so guilty.

I still eat biscuits don't get me wrong. But now I'll have say four or 5 biccies dipped in just enough semi skimmed milk to cover them.  Which i consider to be almost saintly behaviour given my previous biscuit indulgences.

My mother tells me a little of what you fancy does you good, which i suppose in theory. But i find the will power to take a couple of biscuits and put the rest back hard to bare. It is mainly because i live with my parents.

My mum buys an alarming amount of cakes sweet crisps chocolate and sweet goods. All stored in the naughty cupboard next to the microwave. I've been living back at home for about seven months. I had forgotten the naughty cupboard was this naughty. My dad is a gardener and after dinner sits in front of the tele with the biscuit tin and a cup of coffee. he'll do a packet of crisps nay bother. my mum says he needs the extra calories because his job is so physically deamanding. time will tell i suppose.

 In my old house I'd have one packet of biscuits in at at a time. No crisps. Never been bothered. My friend ADORES CRISPS. No chocolate. (Occasionally i may treat self to a bounty bar, well its coconut mainly isn't it. Actually a very small amount of choc involved in bounty bars.)

 Beer of course. Nothing disguises your 1500 sit up a week earnt abs more than a beer belly. Which i also do not have, but i am intrigued. IF  i did give up drinking,  EXACTLY  how much difference would it make. And how fast would the difference be noticeable.

Defiantly something to ponder.

That's all for now.

More coming soon.

M. X

x

notty nose

Greetings earthlings.

so last Friday I rang my local tattoo/piercing studios and said "Hello, any space for a nose piercing today?"
"Yes come down now" they replied.

So i did.

Not being a stranger to piercings i knew what to expect. I've had dermal anchors for many a year. There's always the moment when having a piercing when you consider the pain you're about to go through. I'm OK with needles. But it IS  a nose piercing and piercings that go through cartilage usually hurt. More.
so the time came, i counted down.........and in it went.

I didn't make a noise, just breathed deeply as told to by the lady. It CANED for like 2 seconds.
Bought a tear to my eye!

They then put the ring in, which was huge.
Apparently its because the hole needs to be bigger, so when you get the ring changed down it has room to move.

Am 5 days in now. And its starting to settle down now. Although i canny wait to get a smaller ring in it. One thing i noticed within a matter of hours is how much i touch my nose. And also how i realised. i cant put my finger up my nose anymore. Not that I'm really a nose picker, but now there is no room for it.

So the question I've been thinking all week is how do people with nose rings pick/clean their nostrils. Answer = you get a cotton bud and wrap a wet wipe round it.

Clean as a whistle!

Its been a week of worrying, I am a worrier. I cant help it.
A trait that has been subliminally handed down to me from my mother. Rather expertly if i may so.

I always say to her, she is the 'Olympic gold medalist' of worriers. To be around her when she is in worry mode is exhausting. I tell her she is wasting her energy, that worrying will do her ultimately no good. And yet i am exactly the same.

Its all to do with boredom. The kind of genuine frustration led boredom that only comes with unemployment.

When i had a job a bout 5/6 months a go i took pride and told the world, my name is...............i work as..............etc.

Its what people do.
It defines who we are, to a certain extent anyways.

This week alone i have encountered two people with whom i have had conversations about employment or lack there of. Yesterday on the bus this happened.

Lady; Hello how are you
Me; Yes OK thanks
Lady; Are you working?
Me; No not at the moment, got laid of from my last job

I always wander why this woman ALWAYS asks if I'm working.
Not "Hello, how are you  you look well" or "Hello, hows your family"

I swear one of these days, when she says "Hello, are you working?
I'm going to smile back sarcastically and say something like "Yes I'm a rent boy, I'm loving it. Its very lucrative. Then give her a business card and tell her to give it around to anyone she felt may require my services or "Yes I'm a lawyer!" or something more inventive. Ideas in the comments below people? Discuss.

The second was a man, who always says hello. He at least asks after my general well being before out comes the obligatory "Hows work these days?" Now see here in lay my dilemma. Admit the job has ended OR pretend i am still at the job.

For some reason i could not bring my self to say it. So i smiled and said "Good thanks, still there." To which the man smiled and said "Oh that's good, well working seems to agree with you, you seem quite happy these days."

This is because i do the great British thing of keep calm and carry on. Endeavouring to but a "brave face" on not having a job. Because really that's what people expect of you isn't it. To keep up appearances in the face of adversity.

So i applied for three jobs last week, and applied for three today.

Hopefully i will be hired by some one soon.

Until then i shall be keeping calm and carrying on.

Thanks for reading
Bye for now.

M. x

breathe and reboot

hola comrades.


OK so the constant rain has stopped. Thank god. (Or at least for now.)


A wet bank holiday and being dumped, made for a distinctly average bank weekend.


God being dumped is humiliating isn't it. Especially when you know in your heart of hearts that you should have had the self confidence to get in there first and nip it in the bud a week earlier.


But alas no.


I'm Mr "Hang on in there, things may be about to change." But they never do really do they. Isually when you smell a rat. It is, in fact because there is a dead rat in the vicinity.


So yea there we go. Not heartbroken to be honest, just a bit disappointed.
It happens.


I think in light of arrival of summer and new shiny singledom update of image is needed. New hair cut/colour shall occour over the weekend along with a new piercing. I always think a change of image breathes new life into you. It changes the way the world sees you. And most importantly how you see yourself. Pics to follow.


Soooooooooo apart from that i had a good old smash up with my dear friend heather, she is lush. We drank, we talked, we drank, we ate chips, we got a taxi home. I had a very sinister but well earnt hangover on Monday.


In my last blog i said about how much i was looking forward to the new gossip album. Its not out yet but you can listenn to it streamed on the guardian website here. I think its a good album. Track number 8 is particularly RELEVANT. I think possibly the previous two albums had a harder punkier edge, but this album is certainly one of their more streamlined accessible albums. Overall a job well done. It flows very well and there are moments of pure joy. a joyful noise it really is.


Still twitching bout the scissor sisters release next week, bring it on.


I have also been embroidering onto my jacket which is coming along nicely.

It really is very satisfying work. Will defiantly do more of this in the future.

Also i managed to finally make the perfect poached eggs. My sister gave me a masterclass as hers were amazing, here are the ones i made, with coffee from a proper plunger-coffee thing,

wholemeal seeded bread no butter thankyou very much.


I heard somewhere that butter is one molecule away from plastic, a fact that i just googled and is by all acounts untrue. It did say however that a spoon of either is equal to like 100 calories. So thats 700 calories a week i can save by not eating something that is basicly only habbit anyways. Have a biccie instead, at leat biccies are honest. you KNOW they'll make you fat.


My mother bought a packet of chocolate hobnobs the other day.
How may calories are there in ONE?


Dont know well i'll tell you.


98 CALORIES PER BICCY.


Thats 7-8 minites on a treadmill people.
I cant justify the biccy intake like i used to.


Damn my unabashedly sweet tooth!


The butter and the less biccies are some of the ways i'm trying to be super careful with my diet. Combined with going to the gym, not drinking carbonated drinks, walking alot, and persevering with the gym and doing the free weights.


Toning up is so tough.


Though it will be worth it in the summer tho.

Hopefully