Post break up rant

This week am having a good week.

I haven't eaten a biscuit since I moved (I know!)
Am living off soup and cereal, am gyming it most days.

Having space and time do do what I want.

But I cannot shake this feeling.

A feeling of being bored of being single.


particularly as he who shall remain nameless royally hacked me off.As a few months ago he decided I was for what ever reason (he never bothered to tell me) not worth dating anymore.

To add insult to injury he did that thing that allot of men do which is NOT TELL ME.  He did whatever all major douche bags do and just stop texting.

The swine.

So not only am I left with a feeling of disappointment, am left with the bitter knowledge that apparently I don't deserve an explanation for him going off me. Is it him? Is it me?

I'll never know.

I do hate that.

I cant help thinking its history repeating itself.

So newly properly single. And living in a small town with no exciting prospects to distract me from myself.

Its all very bizarre.

I am 27. If this saga continues I may find myself being 30 and never had a proper boyfriend. Isn't that a depressing thought.

When on dates you always get to the "So why are you single?" question. My answer is always the same. I say without a smile and without a hint of irony "Because no one I have ever dated has ever like me enough to make it official." Which is the truth.

My frustration at being single is only fuelled by the world around me rapidly pairing off.
friends start saying things like "we're staying in tonight" or "me and ________ are having a romantic dinner out" or "I'm going to my boyfriends"

Or worse one person recently said to me "guess what ________ is my boyfriend now." to which i replied "BUT YOU'VE ONLY JUST MET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Its not their fault and i don't blame them in the slightest. the older i get the more i find the majority of people have to be "booked" in advance. where has the spontaneity gone?

Just last weekend i was talking with this cute guy in a bar, about art and jobs and such ( he was obviously straight) and he paused mid sentence and said "Just so you know I'm straight yea?"
we were just chatting! Apparently gay guys are not allowed to talk to straight guys with out a pre conversational "Don't worry I'm just chatting not try to get you into bed" disclaimer. My actual reply was to smile and say. "Oh believe me if i was trying to chat you up YOU WOULD KNOW" subtlety has never been one of my stron points

With all this in mind I have decided in a few rules I intend to implement should any one else ask me for a date in the future, (its a long shot I admit but am doing it anyway.)

• People of the over 40 variety need not apply, its not ageism its just that the reality is you want to stay in and watch jools Holland on a Saturday night and I want to go out with my friends and get shitfaced. and I'd rather not have a smug non hungover person to wake up to insisting that we go outside for a walk or whatever bullshit they wish to do on a Sunday.

• AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING! -  FYI  Sundays are for laying in and slobbing around in your jim jams. If am to go out on a Sunday it will be to have lunch (NOT A  ROAST) or to the cinema, and I shall rise from my bed when i am ready and not before. without sum douchbag making the bed whilst I only got out of it to have a pee!

• THE THREE DAY RULE WILL NOT WORK.  the three day rule being we go on our first date and people play this weird game of waiting three days to text so as not to look desperate. Once one has invited the other out for date 2 the invitee waits three days before replying to text so as to not look desperate. People have played this game with me and 9 times out of 10 I get bored of waiting and delete/block them. I am far to fabulous to be waiting three days.

• I believe in the old age prophecy that if you have a bone to pick then just pick it. FYI  I am not psychic.

• If we are dating I expect at least for you to be dating me only.

• no I don't want to be your bit on the side, or your dirty little secret.  I don't care that your girlfriend doesn't understand you. That's your problem not mine.

• A text message or an email is NOT,  I REPEAT NOT a valid way to break up with someone. please do the honour of telling me to my face. I'm a big boy now I'm sure I'll get over it.

In honour of the man who shall remain nameless, here is a song by Kate Nash called fittingly "Dickhead." Pretty much sums up how I feel. If ur reading this douche bag thanks a bunch. Go die you oxygen thief!

Tata for now

M.   x