Post break up rant

This week am having a good week.

I haven't eaten a biscuit since I moved (I know!)
Am living off soup and cereal, am gyming it most days.

Having space and time do do what I want.

But I cannot shake this feeling.

A feeling of being bored of being single.


particularly as he who shall remain nameless royally hacked me off.As a few months ago he decided I was for what ever reason (he never bothered to tell me) not worth dating anymore.

To add insult to injury he did that thing that allot of men do which is NOT TELL ME.  He did whatever all major douche bags do and just stop texting.

The swine.

So not only am I left with a feeling of disappointment, am left with the bitter knowledge that apparently I don't deserve an explanation for him going off me. Is it him? Is it me?

I'll never know.

I do hate that.

I cant help thinking its history repeating itself.

So newly properly single. And living in a small town with no exciting prospects to distract me from myself.

Its all very bizarre.

I am 27. If this saga continues I may find myself being 30 and never had a proper boyfriend. Isn't that a depressing thought.

When on dates you always get to the "So why are you single?" question. My answer is always the same. I say without a smile and without a hint of irony "Because no one I have ever dated has ever like me enough to make it official." Which is the truth.

My frustration at being single is only fuelled by the world around me rapidly pairing off.
friends start saying things like "we're staying in tonight" or "me and ________ are having a romantic dinner out" or "I'm going to my boyfriends"

Or worse one person recently said to me "guess what ________ is my boyfriend now." to which i replied "BUT YOU'VE ONLY JUST MET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Its not their fault and i don't blame them in the slightest. the older i get the more i find the majority of people have to be "booked" in advance. where has the spontaneity gone?

Just last weekend i was talking with this cute guy in a bar, about art and jobs and such ( he was obviously straight) and he paused mid sentence and said "Just so you know I'm straight yea?"
we were just chatting! Apparently gay guys are not allowed to talk to straight guys with out a pre conversational "Don't worry I'm just chatting not try to get you into bed" disclaimer. My actual reply was to smile and say. "Oh believe me if i was trying to chat you up YOU WOULD KNOW" subtlety has never been one of my stron points

With all this in mind I have decided in a few rules I intend to implement should any one else ask me for a date in the future, (its a long shot I admit but am doing it anyway.)

• People of the over 40 variety need not apply, its not ageism its just that the reality is you want to stay in and watch jools Holland on a Saturday night and I want to go out with my friends and get shitfaced. and I'd rather not have a smug non hungover person to wake up to insisting that we go outside for a walk or whatever bullshit they wish to do on a Sunday.

• AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING! -  FYI  Sundays are for laying in and slobbing around in your jim jams. If am to go out on a Sunday it will be to have lunch (NOT A  ROAST) or to the cinema, and I shall rise from my bed when i am ready and not before. without sum douchbag making the bed whilst I only got out of it to have a pee!

• THE THREE DAY RULE WILL NOT WORK.  the three day rule being we go on our first date and people play this weird game of waiting three days to text so as not to look desperate. Once one has invited the other out for date 2 the invitee waits three days before replying to text so as to not look desperate. People have played this game with me and 9 times out of 10 I get bored of waiting and delete/block them. I am far to fabulous to be waiting three days.

• I believe in the old age prophecy that if you have a bone to pick then just pick it. FYI  I am not psychic.

• If we are dating I expect at least for you to be dating me only.

• no I don't want to be your bit on the side, or your dirty little secret.  I don't care that your girlfriend doesn't understand you. That's your problem not mine.

• A text message or an email is NOT,  I REPEAT NOT a valid way to break up with someone. please do the honour of telling me to my face. I'm a big boy now I'm sure I'll get over it.

In honour of the man who shall remain nameless, here is a song by Kate Nash called fittingly "Dickhead." Pretty much sums up how I feel. If ur reading this douche bag thanks a bunch. Go die you oxygen thief!

Tata for now

M.   x

hula hooping and potential hibernation

Hello hello hello my lovelies.

Well allot has been happening lately and normal service was abandoned briefly.

In short the sum came out, which meant A.) I stopped going to the gym for a good week (- unheard of!) and B.) I was distracted by a guy. Whom incidentally i met in a pub. He was visiting from London. But ended up being my sunbathing/drinking partner for a bit. Its nice to have distractions from life.

There was cider and sunbathing generally. It was fun. He's gone back to London now. Back to business as usual. What else what else?

Oh yes I am now the proud owner of a power hoop, which is apparently like the latest fitness fad.

Now usually I am RUBBISH at hula hooping, but these hoops are bigger which makes them much easier to keep up. Also they have weights on the inside of the hoop, which will I presume mean that after months to come I may have a more toned abdomen. But for the immediate future just means I look like I have been attacked by a gang of kids with broomsticks.

There's nothing like symmetrical abdominal bruising is there, very sexy.

So have been hula-ing every day. With my mp3 player on. 6 tracks hula-ing to the left 6, tracks hula-ing to the right. No one told me to do this, but I assume that for instance hula-ing to the right will work my left side?

Am unsure

So equal hula-ing it is until someone tells me otherwise.

Discuss in comments.

What else?

Oh yes have also fallen down a vortex of sound.

Paloma Faith - Fall To Grace
Scissor Sisters - Magic Hour
The Gossip - A Joyful Noise

These albums arrived and have been absorbing them into my soul. As well as some Madonna albums American life, and Robyn's body talk part one. ( I have ordered body talk part 2 and 3 but god knows where they are.

This is called "Just be" and its one of the highlights of her album, remember Adele's "Someone like you" ? Well I think this is as good, although it will be nowhere near as well known. purely because, lets face it Adele hogs all the soulfull diva limelight doesn't she. Bless her



What else has been going on?

Oh yes the grip of jubilee fever is tightening around the country and there is officially no escape from it. Am just trying to ignore the whole thing as much as humanly possible. I know I'm outnumbered on this one but am just not a supporter of the royals.

When I talk about this or am encouraged by others to "Cheer up and join in" or advised by others to "Not be a party pooper" its weird. I find it weird that people want to change my mind about the jubilee, my favourite comment was from my mother who moaned "God martin you're always so unpatriotic!"

just to check I looked up the definition of patriotic in the dictionary to check what it meant.

pa·tri·ot·ic (ptr-tk) adj. Feeling, expressing, or inspired by love for one's country. patri·oti·cal·ly adv.

(I stole this from thefreedictionary.com)

Why is it people cannot see the difference between being patriotic and being a royalist? You can be one without the other actually people.

My dad tells me that the royals do an important job, that they attract allot of tourism (20 million a year- I checked.) Yes good point dad. But in order to do that what does the queen actually do?
I'd be very interested to see what the woman REALLY  does on an average day. Does she steadfastly answer all the correspondence sent to her by well wishers? - No she does not. She has a team of people do that for her. Is she licking the envelopes of all the 100th birthday cards? - No she is not?

For those people who are reading this thinking " Well we get a four day weekend" It makes no odds to me. I'm unemployed, EVERY DAY is a bank holiday weekend! lol

My main beef with the royal family comes from the queen. Yes she brings tourism to the country, which does us a country good. But I always think there is SO MUCH MORE she could be doing.

I just don't think its just that whilst the richest land owner on the planet has her jubilee weekend, there are in the same city homeless kids on the street with no shelter or food. that families are out of jobs and struggling to feed their children.

I cant help thinking if she sold the odd Priceless paining of which she has a shed load. (I saw that tour around the royal castles documentary.) Believe me she's not going to miss them. Maybe sell the odd bit of jewellery, ( Alright not the crowns as it her thing , but some of the other bits. Not seen as often but worth a mint. I mean is it really doing any good in a draw? cant she stick it in a gallery or in the V&A where people can pay to see this stuff.

I considered going in to jubilee weekend hibernation until at least Wednesday but that's allot of effort as well. Unless I'm going to sit here for 4 days not watching tele or listening to the radio or venturing out. No thanks.

Oh and whilst am ranting on I may as well get this off my chest. Whilst trying to flick through the channels to get away from jubilee stuff I was confronted with the tennis! - Yes gang Wimbledon is upon us.

Don't even get me started - yawn! lol

Now the Olympics. THAT I'm looking forward to.

See its not all whingeing is it.

So I figure I may as well just surf the wave of jubileeness and know it'll all be over in a few days


"where's my gin and tonic? - oh there is is!"
bottoms up!

m.

x